BRITNEY SPEARS
Dear Britney,
Greetings from Liverpool – a city which appreciates and celebrates the different, the quirky and the individual.
Many of your fellow Yanks - and a fair few Brits who don’t possess that special Liverpool spirit – got their knickers in a right twist over you shaving your head a while back, but we knew where you were coming from.
We know it was a carefully thought-out attempt to rid yourself of a restrictive past and embrace a new future where you can do What The Bloody Hell You Want To Do.
And why not?
You seem to be going for the chav look but, with respect, we reckon you’ve still got a lot of ground to cover. With this is mind, may I respectfully suggest you start a new life for yourself right here in Liverpool?
Yes, there is our famous musical legacy – are you aware of Sonia’s work? – but, more important to you at the moment, we feel, following your retirement, is the anything goes attitude which exists here.
You want to say “Knickers” to wearing more than one or two items of clothing? That’s fine – Mathew Street is ready and waiting for you.
Hate getting out of your jim jams during the week? That’s fine – come to Liverpool and go shopping in your favourite PJs!
Come on Britney, if we can handle Courtney Love – yep, she lived here in the early 1980s when she was a real wild child – we can handle you.
Anyway, while you’re thinking it over – and wondering which pyjamas to bring – I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you it’s this proud city’s 800th birthday this summer.
Joking apart, we would love to receive special birthday wishes from the enormously talented – and wonderfully individual – Britney Spears.
NO REPLY!
MADONNA
All hail “Lady Madonna” (children at your feet!)
Greetings to you, Mrs Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie and, if I may jump the gun, may I wish you all the best for your 49th birthday this August.
And waddayaknow? It’s Liverpool’s birthday in August, too – and we’ll be 800 years old! No offence, but that’s a bit more impressive than 49, isn't it?
It’d be great if you, as the Queen of Pop, could send a special “Happy Birthday” greeting to little old us but, in addition, how about giving this some serious thought with your Guy . . .
“The Magnificent Madonna Liverpool Pub Crawl!”
Having seen you bigging up real ale and the ace Timothy Taylor Landlord, in particular, on some chat show or other (I think it was Jonathan Ross), I reckon we could be onto a double whammy of an idea, here.
Because, in one hazy, crazy, mad Madonna weekend of wonderfulness, we can celebrate YOUR birthday and OUR birthday!
We can sort out the details in due course, but how about attempting to cover 20 pubs over two days? Have a look at your diary and let us know what you think – then we can talk dates, pubs (it would be great to do a bit of “Vogueing” in The Globe in Cases Street) . . . and how we can get you around the pubs without you being mobbed by your army of Merseyside fans while you’re trying to have a quiet half of Timmy Taylor’s.
But don’t worry if you think you’ll be a bit tied up – it’s not always easy to get sitters for the kids, is it? – because we’d honestly just be happy to receive a happy birthday greeting.
All the best Madonna, Liverpool’s Crazy For You.
NO REPLY!
HIS HOLINESS POPE BENEDICT XVI
Your holiness,
Warmest greetings from Liverpool, the home of a thriving Roman Catholic community and two cathedrals – including the Metropolitan Cathedral of Christ The King (but that's a bit of a mouthful, so a lot of people call it Paddy’s Wigwam).
Your most revered predecessor, Pope John Paul II, famously visited this city in 1982 and was given a wonderful welcome. And it would be wonderful if you, your holiness, could find time in your busy schedule to visit Liverpool.
But in the meantime, it would be fantastic if you could send a special birthday greeting to Liverpool, as it looks forward to its 800th birthday this summer. A few kind words from yourself would be cherished here on Merseyside.
Peace be with you!
NO REPLY!
BOB DYLAN
Dear Bobby,
Cheer up, it might never happen!
Serious question, Bob: You remember that famous photo taken of your good self and a bunch of Liverpool kids in Dublin Street, Liverpool, on the afternoon of May 14, 1966 (ahead of your gig that night at the Liverpool Odeon Theatre)?
Well, what the hell were you doing posing for pictures while there was an FA Cup Final going on? And not just any old Cup Final, this was Everton v Sheffield Wednesday!
You missed the greatest comeback in the history of the competition (Wednesday were two-nil up, but the Blues stormed back to win three-two with two goals from Mike Trebilcock (the commentator pronounced it “Trebil-CO” but the man, himself, later explained it should be pronounced “TrebilCOCK”!) and one from Derek Temple.
I bet you’re still kicking yourself for missing it.
But don’t worry, because it’s now widely available – which gives us an idea . . . we know you played the Summer Pops a while back, but, bearing in mind it’s Liverpool’s 800th birthday this August, why don’t you pop down to the ‘pool this summer?
If it’s too soon to sort out a gig, perhaps you could have a kickabout in Dublin Street for old time’s sake . . . we could recreate the Everton-Sheffield Wednesday game and you could be matchwinner Derek Temple.
And after the game, we could finish off with a few pints of Guinness in a local pub – the landlord might even put the video/DVD of the Everton-Wednesday Cup Final on if we ask nicely!
In the meantime, it’d be great if you could send special 800th birthday wishes to the city which gave the world The Beatles . . . and somewhere atmospheric for you to pose for pictures.
Keep rockin’ Bob! And keep playing the Blues! (geddit? Oh please yourself).
NO REPLY!
