Good news - it's no-show Boris!

IT'S almost party time and there's MORE good news ... Boris Johnson isn't coming.
But there's also bad news ... he says he'll come and see us all next year.
At least the blond bombsite is taking an interest. So far, there appears to have been a distinct lack of moving and shaking from many of Merseyside's alleged movers and shakers.
Punters are looking to take their lead from the great and the good - and Liverpool City Council - but, although there are celebration plans in place, I reckon we could do with more shouting from more rooftops. After all, it'd be a shame to throw a party and have no one turn up but the usual suspects (you know, those people who arrive early and nick all the sausage rolls and those little sausages on sticks. With bits of cheese. And pineapple).

If we can get excited about such modest milestones as 16, 18, 21, 40 and 100, we should have already put the flags out in readiness for August 28.
After all, how many of us will be around for Liverpool's 900th birthday?
Exactly.

NEXT month, the Liverpool ECHO will be bringing you The Paddy Shennan Birthday Letters - including the warmest and most wonderful of greetings from some much-admired, world-famous figures (and Jeffrey Archer).
Disgracefully, bearing in mind the respectful tone of my own letters, requesting a simple birthday greeting, some of the main players on the world stage haven't yet replied. But I'm not going to name and shame the likes of the Queen, Pope Benedict, Bono and his friend Mr The Edge, Nelson Mandela and, er, Jade Goody.
Oops.
Actually, let me just look at the tone of my letters once again . . .
And for you, here's a sneak preview of one letter and one reply - to and from that famous cartoon character, The Right Honourable (really?) Boris Johnson, MP for Henley on Thames.

Boris, you old bounder!

Greetings from Liverpool, the city that made you!
Now that you are a bonafide Scouse Ambassador - after coming through that little spot of unpleasantness you dubbed Operation Scouse Grovel (you are funny!) - the Liverpool Echo would like to invite you to send a birthday greeting to this proud city.
We celebrate our 800th birthday this August but, as we wait on your every word (and then, after we hear it, we laugh), we'd love to receive your, no doubt marvellous, message as soon as possible.
Also, Bozza, have you any plans to visit your favourite city during our birthday year - or, perhaps, next year, when we celebrate our well-deserved Capital of Culture year?
I don't know - there's so much going on here, there aren't even enough hours in the day to be mawkishly sentimental!
Come on, Blondie, it'd be great to see you - and why don't you bring Simon Heffer, the prize prat who actually wrote that offending article in The Spectator, with you?
You've taken the rap for this spineless, ignorant twit long enough (well, I suppose you did employ him - you bloody fool!)
See you in the 'pool, Boris!
Joking aside, the Liverpool ECHO - and its readers, I'm sure - really would be delighted to receive your best wishes in this most special of birthday years.

And from Boris . . .

Dear Paddy,

Please would you pass on my warmest congratulations to Liverpool - city of culture, style and general genius. Well done on reaching 800, I say, and I now solemnly undertake to be there next year to help celebrate 801. Unless you kick me out, of course!

Best wishes

Boris.